JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
