Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
