i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
