no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
