I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
