I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
