I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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