you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
