Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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