my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
