I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
