i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
