just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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