guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
