well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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