I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
