apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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