420 ftw
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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