the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
