don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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