Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
3 2 1 whiskey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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