I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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