i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
