Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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