How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
