so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
