I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
