i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
