you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
