Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
