he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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