I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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