stop calling my apartment porn island.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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