Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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