The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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