The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
