The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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