i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
