fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
