I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
