I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
