I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
