He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
