i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
