I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
