what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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