Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
