I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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