I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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