did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
